Hi ….

Dear myself,

Sorry for coming back to my blog by writing “Hi ….” as the title of this writing. This is gonna be my first writing in 2020 since my last post was November, 2019. I just wanna share my current feeling right now, especially as reminder for me.

I remembered that I cried a lot last week because of my current activity. I am gonna share to you that in the beginning of this year, hopefully I am getting my first job after graduating. I was so excited at first, but now, I am totally lost. I really have no idea whether my decision is right or not.

In the beginning, everything was fine, just like a normal employer, I come to the office in the morning, and finish my job in the afternoon. But, right now, I am not feeling good. I am not excited as before while doing my job. I am afraid as well as nervous at the same time while working. And in one condition, I could not afford tackle it and let my teardrops fall. I called my sister for 2 hours and she gave me a lot advice.

One thing for sure, she is the one who really know how to give advice to other. For 2 hours, everything she said was ” back to God “, “never ever forget to pray to God”, “read Holy Quran again”, “patience” and “Let God do the Rest”. After listening her words, I realized that I am in the position who is “far away” to Allah SWT. The one who was too focused on worldly affair even forget to The Creator. In this position, I know this is all my fault.

Since then, I am trying to keep closer to God, do praying, never forget to read our holy qur’an, and trying to sincere in everything I do. After a few days, my heart is better than before. I am not as much afraid and nervous as before, it is much better now. I will let God do the rest of my life, because I do believe that “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. Allah knows, while you know not (Al-baqarah  2:126).

I will do my best till the end and let God make a decision, whether I am still here or not. One thing for sure, do the best, whole-heart, sincere, and let God guidance me till the end.

Lord, please calm my heart and take away my anxiety. Aamiin.

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